Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Even Ike Turner Was Cringing

Chris C. has already boasted with his pretty pictures about the hurting his La Machine squad put on LOBO's Predator Press, and UnfinishedRambler is squealing about how bad Leigh spanked him, but the week's most epic ass-whooping was applied by the trend-favored Renal Failure to Paula's Googly-Eyed Goons.

Or according to our motivational therapist: Success is a failure that's no longer happening. And Renal Failure did that really, really hard.

102-49. A 53-point win, the largest margin of victory by any team this season. Brutal, right? Not quite, for an even more brutal (or brutaler) thing to consider was that it could have been way worse.

Renal Failure played Hines Ward instead of DeSean Jackson. Jackson had 4 points to Ward's 3 (+1).

Renal Failure played L.J. Smith instead of Todd Heap. Heap brought in 3 points to Smith's goose egg (+3).

Renal Failure played Chicago's defense instead of Philadelphia's. Philly put up 17 to Chicago's 8 (+9).

Renal Failure played Chris Johnson instead of Joseph Addai. Addai racked up 20 points to Johnson's 7 (+13).

26 extra points. Renal Failure could have won by 79 points against the Googly-Eyed Goons instead of their already record-setting 53.

And that, humor bloggers fantasy football fans, is your crime against humanity ultra beatdown of the week.

And unfortunately, that also means Renal Failure will lose this week by 60 against Leigh's Fantasy Virgin team. Because that would be funny, and the universe has a good sense of comedic timing.

-rf