Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Purple Drank becomes The Dreamcrushers!
What has two thumbs and is going to crush your fantasy football hopes and dreams?
Yup that guy, Chris Cameron and his Dreamcrushers! His team is so awesome the exclamation point is required. Scoring mayhem. Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.
And not only will he taunt you with his witty verbal daggers of insults all season long, but he will also be referring to himself in third person for the rest of this post, or until he tires of it.
Now behold the awesomeness that is The Dreamcrushers!
Starting at QB, the soon to be elite Andrew Luck. He is about seven touchdowns and 500 passing yds away from scoring in the top 4 at his position. And he runs for 400-500 yards and a few td's too. And he doesn't have stick legs like RG3. Or hell, even a stick body. The dude is big and he will make you cry like a hooker getting beat up by the Sham Wow guy when you lose to The Dreamcrushers!
At running back is Marvelous Matt Forte and all-purpose man Reggie Bush. Chris would prefer these two for ppr but magnificent will have to do for the standard scoring format. He can't be perfect after all. 99% crushing of dreams via the running back position will have to do.
For wide receivers, who this season have 10 yard restraining orders against any corners and safeties there is the dizzying duo of Julio Jones and Keenan Allen, along with magnanimous Michael Floyd in the flex spot. Chris asks Larry Fitz-who? But no one answers.
Because Michael Floyd is busy taking all of Fitz's yards and touchdowns.
The starting tight end, well that is like one of those things where Mom and Dad sit you down one day and talk about you being "their favorite mistake". In other words Chris lost connection and the computer autodrafted Kyle Rudolph. Yes, he shits fantasy gold.
Chris, not Rudolph. Rudolph shits garland, tinsel or whatever it is called.
And for kicker and defense. LOL. Next...
On the bench The Dreamcrushers! have lots of lottery tickets, and well Chris just told you he is shitting fantasy gold so if you wonder how the eff you just got beat when he had four starters on a bye, you should not be surprised why.
And if you want to concede defeat now, before the season starts he will consider the request and perhaps offer leniency during your demise. He might not run up the score. Or might. Ball is in your court.