Week 3: We'll take it

by Renal Failure


Beast Mode saves Week 3 for the People...

The People's Champ brings the People their first win of the season with a 103-94 win over Meaty Clackers.  Victory seemed out of reach for Renal Failure until Marshawn Lynch went full Beast Mode against the Broncos, putting up 24 points including that all-important OT TD in the late Sunday night game.  Jeremy Maclin beasted a cool 26 points against the 'Skins, and Cody Parkey is becoming the new Billy Cundiff with 14 big points coming off his foot.

Having your kicker as your 4th leading scorer, however, is not the best of news for Renal Failure. Things are definitely not as good as they should be.  We hit the waiver wire for a RB and grabbed Bobby Rainey instead of Knile Davis because we were more confident on Doug Martin being out than Jamaal Charles, plus we thought Rainey could duplicate his Week 2 performance against a weak Atlanta defense.  Yeah... did not work out. Rainey got 8 points, Davis got 23 for the Dreamcatchers.  Still, Rainey did better than our usual FLEX starter CJ Spiller.


If you get Renal Failure down, you'd better keep them down...

Enough of the sugar, time for the vinegar...

Meaty Clackers made the fatal mistake of starting two players who didn't play - Doug Martin and Roddy White.  Their substitutes in the lineup would have given them the victory this week and forced us down to 0-3. But they didn't, so we'll graciously accept this gift seeing how bad the last two weeks have been for us, being that we're fifth in scoring but have had the most points scored against us in the league.

We didn't do ourselves any favors with Tom Brady not being Tom Brady for a third consecutive week (15 pts).  Alfred Morris put up a meh 8pts while Demaryius Thomas did fuck-all until that 2-point conversation to send the Broncos/Seahawks game to OT (5pts for one of our top two picks).  Zach Ertz took the week off with 1pt as did the Houston D with 3pts. 


Chris C. thinks his DreamCrushers are the kings of the HBFFL...

We're going to be without Beast Mode and Demaryius Thomas for Week 4 because of bye weeks, but we just traded WR Brian Quick(also on bye week) to the Bourbon Blasters for Chris Ivory who has seen his workload increase with the Jets so that gives us some options. Do we start Ivory and one of our Bills RB? Do we not start Ivory and start both Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller? Do we start Ivory and WR Sammy Watkins in the FLEX spot and hope that EJ Manuel remembers how to quarterback (or gets pulled for Kyle Orton in a blow-out game)?  We've got some decisions to make before Thursday night rolls around. 

One decision we can declare: Tom Brady, you're dead to us.  Jay Cutler's our starter. 

DreamCrushers are going to be missing WR Michael Floyd, and while that might sting a bit he's still starting Andrew Luck and Julio Jones who have been monstrous with chucking bears into orbit this season. They could be due for a letdown, or at least we hope so.  Jamaal Charles returns to the lineup, reducing Knile Davis's effectiveness. Does he go with Reggie Bush or Joquie Bell? Who gets the call for that open WR spot? Streaky Kelvin Benjamin? The veteran Steve Smith getting revenge on the Panthers? Fantasy mirage Brian Hartline who only scores when he's on your bench?

Until Chris makes those decisions, Yahoo! says we're evenly matched. We'll see if the People's Champ can continue our streak of 100+ point games, and whether averaging 100 points a game will be enough this week. Getting to 2-2 would do wonders for our chances of hitting the magical 9-win mark which has always guaranteed a playoff spot.

Renal Failure is your People's Champion and the holder of a 2-1 record in the FTWL with a 130-114 over SO ILL Jayhawks, and we're the top scoring team in that league (averaging a smidgen over 119 points a game). We have Andrew Luck in the FTWL so one way or another he's going to make us happy or piss us off in Week 4.

Tactics

Predator Press

[LOBO]

It's Saturday night, and Tarken Hawkworthy, the Predator Press Offensive Coordinator, seems fidgety.

And perhaps rightly so.  Saturday is the day he is supposed to clean out the Predator Press refrigerator, and the Predator Press refrigerator was recently discovered to contain the kidney I am saving for Kim Jong-il, and a five year old pastrami sandwich.


Purple Drank becomes The Dreamcrushers!

What has two thumbs and is going to crush your fantasy football hopes and dreams?

Yup that guy, Chris Cameron and his Dreamcrushers! His team is so awesome the exclamation point is required. Scoring mayhem. Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.
 
And not only will he taunt you with his witty verbal daggers of insults all season long, but he will also be referring to himself in third person for the rest of this post, or until he tires of it.

Now behold the awesomeness that is The Dreamcrushers!

Starting at QB, the soon to be elite Andrew Luck. He is about seven touchdowns and 500 passing yds away from scoring in the top 4 at his position. And he runs for 400-500 yards and a few td's too. And he doesn't have stick legs like RG3. Or hell, even a stick body. The dude is big and he will make you cry like a hooker getting beat up by the Sham Wow guy when you lose to The Dreamcrushers!

At running back is Marvelous Matt Forte and all-purpose man Reggie Bush. Chris would prefer these two for ppr but magnificent will have to do for the standard scoring format. He can't be perfect after all. 99% crushing of dreams via the running back position will have to do.

For wide receivers, who this season have 10 yard restraining orders against any corners and safeties there is the dizzying duo of Julio Jones and Keenan Allen, along with magnanimous Michael Floyd in the flex spot. Chris asks Larry Fitz-who? But no one answers.

Because Michael Floyd is busy taking all of Fitz's yards and touchdowns.

The starting tight end, well that is like one of those things where Mom and Dad sit you down one day and talk about you being "their favorite mistake".  In other words Chris lost connection and the computer autodrafted Kyle Rudolph. Yes, he shits fantasy gold. 

Chris, not Rudolph. Rudolph shits garland, tinsel or whatever it is called.

And for kicker and defense. LOL. Next...

On the bench The Dreamcrushers! have lots of lottery tickets, and well Chris just told you he is shitting fantasy gold so if you wonder how the eff you just got beat when he had four starters on a bye, you should not be surprised why.

And if you want to concede defeat now, before the season starts he will consider the request and perhaps offer leniency during your demise. He might not run up the score. Or might. Ball is in your court.