Week 12: Oh now you want to play fantasy football!

by Renal Failure



Yeah, really Meaty Clackers...


In past HBFFL seasons there's been the issue of absentee owners, those who have bailed on their teams in the last half of the season when competing for a playoff spot has been rendered a bitter memory. And Meaty Clackers qualified as one through Weeks 10 and 11 keeping Nick Foles in as QB and not swapping out injured or bye week players. So when the Clackers appeared on the schedule for a Week 12 game with the People's Champion Renal Failure we thought we'd have as easy a time as Future Ex-Cons did winning 45-32 in Week 11.

Why would you start playing for real now???

BUT NO!  For reasons unknown, the Clackers decided this was week to field an actual competitive team.  And compete they did, putting up a season high 133 points in Week 13 against Renal Failure.  If they had done something similar in Week 10 we'd be in 4th place instead of one game out of the playoffs.

Luckily the People's Champion put up 144. Drew Brees came through with 37 points on Monday night to clinch our victory.  Alfred Morris put up 23.  Demaryius Thomas excelled in the absence of the other Thomas and Emmanuel Sanders with 26 points. The Eagles D bailed us out with 18 points. And Billy Cundiff showed why is he the HBFFL's kicker of legend with a 14 point day.

So Renal Failure finds themselves at 7-5, still in 5th place behind the Patriots who managed to beat Cranberry Sauce 102-83.  Future Ex-Cons stayed ahead with a victory over The DreamCrushers and Mile High Club blew out Bald Spots.  But Renal Failure is 3rd in Points For in the HBFFL, so if we can force a tiebreaker situation we're almost guaranteed to win.

All the other teams in the lower half of the league (Predator Press, Cranberry Sauce, Bald Spots, Meaty Clackers, Bourbon Blasters) have been eliminated, but it does not mean that any of the Top Four have clinched a spot.  The 9-3 teams (DreamCrushers!, Mile High, and Ex-Cons) need one more win to clinch a spot because if any of them lose their remaining two games and Renal Failure wins their remaining two then it would force a tiebreaker which would likely favor the People's Champ.


Happy Thanksgiving to those who had Calvin Johnson in their lineups in Week 13... like we did in the FTWL.

The Patriots at 8-4 are the closest target for Renal Failure and with Mile High Club (the #1 scoring team in the league) and a recently awakened Meaty Clacker squad left on their schedule they could be the most vulnerable for collapse.

But Renal Failure needs to get through The DreamCrushers! in Week 13, but your People's Champ is projected as a 117-100 winner in this matchup so that's good.  That gives us a bit of wiggle room in a league where it is severely lacking. 

We're getting down to the wire here, and one out of five teams is going to get fucked out of playoff spot.  We're hoping it's not Renal Failure.

Renal Failure is the People's Champion and is 6-5 in the FTWL but is in 4th place where we have the 2nd highest points scored total. We're making the playoffs in at least one of these damn leagues.

Week 11: Every Steeler Except Ours Scored Big

slapped together by Renal Failure

We don't even have time this week for videos.

Our three-game win streak came to an end at the hands of Mile High Club 115-89.  Antonio Brown and Le'Veon Bell had huge games on Monday night, and our Steeler Martavius Bryant (who had been lighting it up) didn't show up.  Drew Brees had such a bad day that Jay Cutler doubled him up on points.  Even Billy Cundiff soiled the sheets with a 1-point day after weeks of steady kicking.

So the bad news is we remain in 5th and Future Ex-Cons won to jump ahead in the standings. The good news is that the Patriots lost and we're only a game behind them and we have a 60-point advantage in the tie-breaker. Even better news, this week we face Meaty Clackers and they've barely been putting a team on the field the past couple weeks (just ask the Ex-Cons who won 45-32 over the Clackers because the Clackers had three empty spots in their starting lineup).

Playoff implication talk
DreamCrushers! at 9-2 are in with one more win, but they have the toughest schedule out of the remaining relevant teams with Ex-Cons, Renal Failure, and Bald Spots (who beat the Patriots this past week) left on the docket.

Mile High Club at 8-3 needs two wins to clinch or one and some help to clinch.  Their remaining games aren't too scary with Bald Spots, Patriots, and Cranberry Sauce left to play.  Two wins seems pretty likely on their end.

Same deal for 8-3 Future Ex-Cons but their path to the playoffs may be more treacherous.  After the DreamCrushers! this week they play the Predator Press and Bourbon Blasters who, while at the bottom of the standings, have never been easy wins. Ex-Cons could only get one win out of their next three, but that might be enough to get them in.

If you're going to win at fantasy football,
you gotta throw a few bears into deep orbit

Patriots at 7-4 are currently on a three game losing streak, but they have an easy schedule with Cranberry Sauce this week, Mile High in Week 13, then a gimmie game against Meaty Clackers to end the season.  If they can get to 9 wins, they'll probably get in.

Renal Failure at 6-5 needs to take care of business this week with the Clackers, score an upset over DreamCrushers! then finish strong vs. Predator Press to get to 9 wins and have a chance at the playoffs because no one above them, not even the Patriots, are likely to crash and burn in all their remaining games. 

Technically Cranberry Sauce and Bald Spots have an outside chance of getting in, which would require Renal Failure and the Patriots to go 0-3 in these remaining weeks and Sauce and Spots to win all of their remaining games to force a tie-breaker between themselves and the Patriots, which would probably go to Cranberry Sauce because they have 83 more points than the Bald Spots. 

Bye weeks are over for the Renal roster, so we're coming full strength for the rest of the season. We have no injury issues, but we've got the depth to deal with it if necessary.  We're looking forward to being in the hunt till the very last week, and the People have faith that their champion will be playoff bound in 2014.

Renal Failure is the People's Champion of fantasy football. We are also 6-5 in the FTWL with two other teams. That playoff race is much more interesting.

Week 3: We'll take it

by Renal Failure


Beast Mode saves Week 3 for the People...

The People's Champ brings the People their first win of the season with a 103-94 win over Meaty Clackers.  Victory seemed out of reach for Renal Failure until Marshawn Lynch went full Beast Mode against the Broncos, putting up 24 points including that all-important OT TD in the late Sunday night game.  Jeremy Maclin beasted a cool 26 points against the 'Skins, and Cody Parkey is becoming the new Billy Cundiff with 14 big points coming off his foot.

Having your kicker as your 4th leading scorer, however, is not the best of news for Renal Failure. Things are definitely not as good as they should be.  We hit the waiver wire for a RB and grabbed Bobby Rainey instead of Knile Davis because we were more confident on Doug Martin being out than Jamaal Charles, plus we thought Rainey could duplicate his Week 2 performance against a weak Atlanta defense.  Yeah... did not work out. Rainey got 8 points, Davis got 23 for the Dreamcatchers.  Still, Rainey did better than our usual FLEX starter CJ Spiller.


If you get Renal Failure down, you'd better keep them down...

Enough of the sugar, time for the vinegar...

Meaty Clackers made the fatal mistake of starting two players who didn't play - Doug Martin and Roddy White.  Their substitutes in the lineup would have given them the victory this week and forced us down to 0-3. But they didn't, so we'll graciously accept this gift seeing how bad the last two weeks have been for us, being that we're fifth in scoring but have had the most points scored against us in the league.

We didn't do ourselves any favors with Tom Brady not being Tom Brady for a third consecutive week (15 pts).  Alfred Morris put up a meh 8pts while Demaryius Thomas did fuck-all until that 2-point conversation to send the Broncos/Seahawks game to OT (5pts for one of our top two picks).  Zach Ertz took the week off with 1pt as did the Houston D with 3pts. 


Chris C. thinks his DreamCrushers are the kings of the HBFFL...

We're going to be without Beast Mode and Demaryius Thomas for Week 4 because of bye weeks, but we just traded WR Brian Quick(also on bye week) to the Bourbon Blasters for Chris Ivory who has seen his workload increase with the Jets so that gives us some options. Do we start Ivory and one of our Bills RB? Do we not start Ivory and start both Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller? Do we start Ivory and WR Sammy Watkins in the FLEX spot and hope that EJ Manuel remembers how to quarterback (or gets pulled for Kyle Orton in a blow-out game)?  We've got some decisions to make before Thursday night rolls around. 

One decision we can declare: Tom Brady, you're dead to us.  Jay Cutler's our starter. 

DreamCrushers are going to be missing WR Michael Floyd, and while that might sting a bit he's still starting Andrew Luck and Julio Jones who have been monstrous with chucking bears into orbit this season. They could be due for a letdown, or at least we hope so.  Jamaal Charles returns to the lineup, reducing Knile Davis's effectiveness. Does he go with Reggie Bush or Joquie Bell? Who gets the call for that open WR spot? Streaky Kelvin Benjamin? The veteran Steve Smith getting revenge on the Panthers? Fantasy mirage Brian Hartline who only scores when he's on your bench?

Until Chris makes those decisions, Yahoo! says we're evenly matched. We'll see if the People's Champ can continue our streak of 100+ point games, and whether averaging 100 points a game will be enough this week. Getting to 2-2 would do wonders for our chances of hitting the magical 9-win mark which has always guaranteed a playoff spot.

Renal Failure is your People's Champion and the holder of a 2-1 record in the FTWL with a 130-114 over SO ILL Jayhawks, and we're the top scoring team in that league (averaging a smidgen over 119 points a game). We have Andrew Luck in the FTWL so one way or another he's going to make us happy or piss us off in Week 4.