Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Seven Deadly Wins

 Predator Press


TWICE this month, I deployed quarterbacks (Cutler, Locker) that delivered negative points.  To paraphrase, I would have been better off not playing quarterbacks at all.

But this time it worked out. I was playing Renal Failure. My dear friend RF cunningly used Cam Newtron -the inventor of gravity- in an attempt to launch numerous bears into space. But the bears he was using were fat, shut-in bears, lazy from seven victories, while the Preds cleverly brought Brandon Marshall starving, malnourished, emaciated bear cubs.  (Fuck you, PETA.  This is football.)

PETA: Brandon Marshall got 5
points with aerodynamic "Cuddles."
She died bravely in a fumble,
and was very, very tasty.
Still, Predator Press needs a solid TE. We tried to trade nonames with a very generous offer for Tony Gonzalez, and he rejected it. In retrospect we would like to thank nonames for his foresight and continued support of Predator Press, as this would have ruined our season entirely.  But we are still offering Le'Veon Bell and/or a nice portfolio of WR …
… Because the big dog in the house is the Future Ex-Cons.

Are we really going to let a sadistic, child torturing “teacher” win two seasons in a row?

-He makes our kids watch books!

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