Saturday, January 7, 2012

Detroit Lions to Place Calvin “Megatron” Johnson on Waivers

Predator Press


“This is not a reflection on Calvin’s football skills,” insists Offensive Coordinator Scott Linehan. “He’s just too big.”

Complaints about Johnson –an unabashed armrest hog- aren’t limited to airline travel.

“He farts a lot," says Matthew Stafford, quarterback. "And every time he sees a Volkswagen, he punches me and giggles ‘Slugbug.’ Don’t ask me what a ‘PT Bruiser’ is. It’s just ugly all-around.”

“I should be worried about football,” remarks Lions Defensive Coordinator Gunther Cunningham. “But most of the season I’m completely preoccupied with making sure Calvin and Rex Ryan aren’t at the same continental breakfast.”


LOBO said...

I noticed last night that Megatron has the singular distinction of making all nearby football players look "adorable."

Chris C said...

he's so bad ass he says slugbug instead of punchbuggy. I'm taking him first round next year on that point alone.

LOBO said...

Good luck. I am mock drafting already. In fact I've cinched up draft plans all the way into 2036. I just plug in all the largish, aggressive kindergartners I find.

-Melvin "Boogerface" Munson is gonna be awesome once he gets over this fingerpainting phase.

Anonymous said...

Megatron is a canadian trademark of Megatron Communications inc., Montreal Quebec Canada