Our three-game win streak came to an end at the hands of Mile High Club 115-89. Antonio Brown and Le'Veon Bell had huge games on Monday night, and our Steeler Martavius Bryant (who had been lighting it up) didn't show up. Drew Brees had such a bad day that Jay Cutler doubled him up on points. Even Billy Cundiff soiled the sheets with a 1-point day after weeks of steady kicking.
So the bad news is we remain in 5th and Future Ex-Cons won to jump ahead in the standings. The good news is that the Patriots lost and we're only a game behind them and we have a 60-point advantage in the tie-breaker. Even better news, this week we face Meaty Clackers and they've barely been putting a team on the field the past couple weeks (just ask the Ex-Cons who won 45-32 over the Clackers because the Clackers had three empty spots in their starting lineup).
Playoff implication talk
DreamCrushers! at 9-2 are in with one more win, but they have the toughest schedule out of the remaining relevant teams with Ex-Cons, Renal Failure, and Bald Spots (who beat the Patriots this past week) left on the docket.
Mile High Club at 8-3 needs two wins to clinch or one and some help to clinch. Their remaining games aren't too scary with Bald Spots, Patriots, and Cranberry Sauce left to play. Two wins seems pretty likely on their end.
Same deal for 8-3 Future Ex-Cons but their path to the playoffs may be more treacherous. After the DreamCrushers! this week they play the Predator Press and Bourbon Blasters who, while at the bottom of the standings, have never been easy wins. Ex-Cons could only get one win out of their next three, but that might be enough to get them in.
If you're going to win at fantasy football, you gotta throw a few bears into deep orbit
Patriots at 7-4 are currently on a three game losing streak, but they have an easy schedule with Cranberry Sauce this week, Mile High in Week 13, then a gimmie game against Meaty Clackers to end the season. If they can get to 9 wins, they'll probably get in.
Renal Failure at 6-5 needs to take care of business this week with the Clackers, score an upset over DreamCrushers! then finish strong vs. Predator Press to get to 9 wins and have a chance at the playoffs because no one above them, not even the Patriots, are likely to crash and burn in all their remaining games.
Technically Cranberry Sauce and Bald Spots have an outside chance of getting in, which would require Renal Failure and the Patriots to go 0-3 in these remaining weeks and Sauce and Spots to win all of their remaining games to force a tie-breaker between themselves and the Patriots, which would probably go to Cranberry Sauce because they have 83 more points than the Bald Spots.
Bye weeks are over for the Renal roster, so we're coming full strength for the rest of the season. We have no injury issues, but we've got the depth to deal with it if necessary. We're looking forward to being in the hunt till the very last week, and the People have faith that their champion will be playoff bound in 2014.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion of fantasy football. We are also 6-5 in the FTWL with two other teams. That playoff race is much more interesting.
Marshawn 3:16 says I just scored 4 TD's!
The Patriots learned two things in this week's HBFFL matchup against the People's Champion Renal Failure: 1) Renal Failure lives for revenge, and 2) it's hard to win when your opponent's starting RB scores 45 points, which is what Marshawn Lynch did for the People in Week 10 to give Renal Failure a big 131-108 victory to bring our current win streak to three games.
Other notable performances on the Renal Roster - Denard Robinson with 18 big points, Demaryius Thomas with 15, and Drew Brees was a bullshit offensive pass interference penalty away from getting at least 30 points but alas had to settle for 21. Jeremy Maclin and Billy Cundiff had off-weeks of 5 and 6 points respectively. Bobby Rainey's 5-points earned him a ticket to the waiver wire. You're behind Bishop Sankey on our RB depth chart, that's how bad you are!
The Patriots had a solid week from most of their starters. Vernon Davis probably shouldn't have even bothered showing up (Goose Egg!). Patrioits goofed with starting Matt Ryan (16pts) instead of Ben Roethlisberger (24pts) but that wouldn't have made much of a difference. Losing by 15 ain't much better than losing by 23. But it does illustrate the dilemma of playing the matchup vs. playing the hot player.
It ain't fun when you get Beasted... so you'd better be the Beast!
Renal Failure (6-4) needed that Week 10 win to keep pace with the top four teams. Patriots drop to 7-3, as did Mile High Club. Future Ex-Cons won to get to 7-3, so now there's three teams within a game's reach of Renal Failure (DretamCrushers! have advanced to 8-2). Renal Failure remains third in scoring: 56 points ahead of the Patriots, 7 points in front of Future Ex-Cons, 9 points behind Mile High Club, and 29 points behind the DreamCrushers! This should make for some interesting tie-breaker mayhem down the stretch should Renal Failure keep the pressure on the 7-3 teams.
Speaking of 7-3 teams, Mile High Club draws Renal Failure this week, which makes this the HBFFL game of the week because of the direct playoff implications. Renal Failure can catapult to 4th (points for tiebreaker) with a victory and would keep pace with the other 7-3 teams Convicts and Patriots who have favorable matchups against 3-7 teams (Dreamcrushers! look to go to 9-2 with a victory over 3-7 Bourbon Blasters who need to pray for another 50 point Aaron Rodgers game to have a chance of victory).
What does a team averaging 149 points over three games look like? Looks like Classic Renal Failure to us...
We're without Flavor of the Waiver Wire Denard Robinson and Jason Witten this week because of bye weeks, but Alfred Morris is back and will run wild on the Buccaneers. Drew Brees is projected for a ridiculous 29 points vs. the Bengals but if Bryan Hoyer can rampage on Cincy than so can the legendary Brees. Our FLEX dilemma this week is whether we trust a returning Ryan Mathews or if we go with rookie WR sensation Martavis Bryant who has been lighting it up since Week 7 for the Steelers. We might have to take our own advice and go with the hot hand on the Steelers.
Mile High is putting their trust in Andy Dalton (or RGIII who they just picked up because Tony Romo is on a bye). Delaine Walker who lit us up in Week 2 is out with a concussion so Mile High picked up Kyle Rudolph who is returning from a sports hernia injury in September. Not sure how that will shake out because it's the Vikings. Shady McCoy is no longer a lock for big numbers but he had a light week vs. Carolina so he may get more work vs. Green Bay. Arian Foster is still Arian Foster, but the Browns have actually been pretty good defensively this year. Le'Veon Bell will have fun running against the Titans. Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Sanders will get their points in but will it be enough?
Yahoo!'s throwing up their arms and saying flip a coin on this matchup, projecting a 108-108 tie, and historically speaking in the HBFFL ties send the playoff race into absolute chaos. We're hoping Mile High's Steelers investment goes south this week so we can keep things interesting in the HBFFL playoff race.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion of Fantasy Football. This week we learned that the only thing that can beat having Marshawn Lynch and his 45 point-day vs. NY is a team with Aaron Rodgers and his 50-point bear into deep space day vs. Chicago. That was a rough loss for us in the FTWL (174 to 137) but we're still in a good spot to make a run for the playoffs at 5-5 and 5th place. And we we still got an A+ from the Yahoo! recap bots in the loss.
Your People's Champion Renal Failure lost their opening game against the HBFFL newbies The Patriots 124-101, the biggest blowout in the HBFFL this week which shows how close games were in this opening weekend). The Patriots scored the most points in Week 1 out of any HBFFL team (even with starting suspended kicker Matt Prater), mainly due to Matt Ryan have the best game of his frickin' life, so we can't be too salty about this loss.
Matt Ryan - 42 point bear in orbit
But we can be salty about Tom Brady only bothering to play one half of football (14pts - come on, man, Jeremy Maclin got 17 and he only really did anything in the 2nd half vs. the Jags), and Jason Witten not bothering to do anything (1pt). Demaryius Thomas seemed like the only person not catching anything from Peyton Manning on Sunday night (4pts). We had Jay Cutler (26pts) and Zac Ertz (13pts)on the Renal bench, and if we had started them we would have pulled out a win but it's a brave or crazy man who benches Tom Brady, the man who invented throwing bears into outer space.
We got Ultra Beast Mode numbers from Marshawn Lynch (29pts), along with help from CJ Spiller's 12 and Alfred Morris's 9. Yahoo! says we had the highest scoring tandem of RB's in the HBFFL, but we were also 9th in overall scoring in the league so... meh. Still Yahoo! was nice enough to give us a B for our losing efforts, as if to say "It's okay, we know you tried your best, here's some ice cream."
"The point is... never try."
Patriots got way more out of DeMarco Murray and Vernon Davis than we thought. Serviceable days from Randall Cobb and Giovani Bernard kept the pace, along with the Carolina Defense. The only big disappointment was Eddie Lacy with 4 points. We'll see the Patriots again in Week Nine, where we vow to make them witness an HBFFL truth: Renal Failure is a beast in revenge games.
Week 1 is always a crap shoot, where you figure out what's working and what's not. And even then, what worked can always fall apart and what didn't work can finally start working later in the season. The point is, no one hits the panic button after Week One. Except for that one year when Canucklehead lost Tom Brady in the first possession of Week One. CRISIS!!!
Shit gets mean in Fantasy Football...
So going into Week 2 against another new team, The Mile High Club (0-1), we're confident things will turn around for us. Historically speaking, once Renal Failure gets on a roll, it's damn hard to stop us. We've turned seasons around before. And though Mile High is coming at us with the RB's we had last year (McCoy and Foster), we like our three-headed RB monster of Lynch, Morris, and Spiller just a bit more (though Yahoo! disagrees, giving Mile High a projected 100-99 edge). But Mile High's rolling with Tony Romo, and we're not losing to a team starting Tony Romo.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion of Fantasy Football. Yeah, we lost this week in the HBFFL, but we had a big win in the FTWL where we had the highest scoring WR's in the league. And we play The Patriots in the FTWL in Week 2 too. That's not ironic, but it sure is funny how that worked out.
This is what we do when you draft a player we want right before it's our turn...
The end of August means the start of fantasy football (and actual NFL football), and that means the HBFFL is gearing up for its 7th season. There are some new faces in the crowd as we've moved away from the Humor Blogger requisite of our league, much how like everyone forgot Richie Cunningham on Happy Days had an older brother.
The 2014 HBFFL draft was held this past Tuesday and the grades from Yahoo! are in. Let's see what the algorithm bots have to say about who will dominate the season.
"Is this who's left on the draft board???"
The Patriots - Grade: A - Projected Record: 10-4 (3rd place)
One of our newbies in the HBFFL, Yahoo! liked them the best with their draft, though strangely projects them to finish 3rd. They went with the tried and true Renal Failure strategy of loading up on RB's, taking Eddie Lacy, DeMarco Murray, and Giovani Bernard with their first three picks. They grabbed Matty Ice as their QB, a solid choice. They'll be leaning on Randall Cobb for WR production, but may be relying too much on Vernon Davis at TE. Your People's Champ wouldn't have given them an A rating just because they chose two kickers and one of them is the suspended Matt Prater.
Cranberry Sauce - Grade: B+ - Projected Record: 11-3 (2nd place)
The newcomers know their stuff according to the Yahoo! bots. Jamaal Charles with the 2nd pick will be their focus at RB because the other RB's (Shane Vereen, DeAngelo Williams, James Starks) don't scare anyone. They loaded up at WR with Jordy Nelson and Alshon Jeffrey, and they got the best value of the 5th round by taking the Seattle Defense, which is about the only defense you can unequivocally count on in 2014. Cranberry won't have to worry much if Matt Stafford goes down with Philip Rivers behind him. But in Renal Failure's opinion, Cranberry should be knocked down to a D in this draft for ruining our plan to take Johnny Manziel with the final pick of the draft to make a very clever Mr. Irrelevance joke. To be fair, we did tell people we were going to do it, but that's because it was too good not to share.
And now "Deep Thoughts by Eli Manning"
Bald Spots - Grade: B+ - Projected Record 9-5 (4th place)
The HBFFL vet went WR heavy with Megatron, Brandon Marshall, and Victor Cruz in the first four rounds, which Yahoo! says is the best WR trio in the HBFFL. He'll be hoping RB Andre Ellington comes through, despite playing for Arizona. Speaking of Arizona, their D should be solid again this year. We're not sold on his taking Cam Newton as his QB considering he has no one to throw to in Carolina, and if he spends all his time running that ups his chance of getting injured. Backup QB Eli Manning doesn't scare anyone. And Rob Gronkowski's injury issues may bite Bald Spots when he can least afford to be bitten. Still, you can't rule out a team with Megatron on the roster.
Bourbon Blasters - Grade: B - Projected Record 6-8 (7th place)
This is the rare year that the Blasters do not have Drew Brees as their QB, but Aaron Rodgers ain't a bad replacement. The Blasters will be leaning on Adrian Peterson and Frank Gore for running points, but they're not getting any younger. Andre Johnson might be the only receiving threat for the Texans, but do you want to put your faith in Ryan Fitzpatrick getting the ball to him (why do you think no one won with Bills receivers the past couple seasons)? He'll get more production from Julius Thomas and Julian Edelman, but Joe has no Drew Brees so he gets no playoffs. But Yahoo! thinks you draft handsomely. Also we're not sold on Percy Harvin, but Dennis Pitta is a nice TE option.
Hey LOBO, resolve to fix your autodraft rankings
Predator Press - Grade: B - Projected Record 7-7 (5th place)
Your runner-up in last year's Humor Bowl will have to scrap a bit to get back there according to the Yahoo! bots. though there's a lot to disagree with. Jimmy Graham in the first round was the 2nd best receiving threat in the Top 10 behind Megatron but LOBO was right to feel weird about drafting a TE with their first pick. A.J. Green is another solid WR to build the team around. But the RB situation is a bit dicey. Le'Veon Bell is in drug trouble and Toby Gerhart is Toby Gerhart. Colin Kaepernick will probably be able to bail out PredPress in some tight games, but if he goes down we're not sold on him being able to rely on RGIII. Also, LOBO's autodrafter took Wes Welker way too high for someone with who just got his 3rd concussion in the past two years. But like us LOBO lives for waiver wire pickups so he's got a puncher's chance of sneaking into the playoffs.
Future Ex-Cons (Defending HBFFL champion) - Grade: B - Projected Record 12-2 (1st place)
Troi's chances of winning a third consecutive Humor Bowl are looking good according to the Yahoo! bots, a lot of it due to having the weakest projected schedule (something RF rode hard on last year to get into the playoffs). But they may have stumbled out of the gate by taking Drew Brees AND Peyton Manning with their first two picks. This sort of trade bait scenario rarely works (we know, because we've tried it in the past, e.g. the Tom Brady/RGIII 5-8-1 season of 2012). We like Troi's choice of Zac Stacy in the 3rd round, seeing how we had Zac Stacy last season and he racked up mad points for us in our push to the playoffs. Larry Fitzgerald in the 4th round is a steal. DeSean Jackson in the 5th? Eh... RGIII is not Nick Foles. San Francisco's D in the 6th seemed a bit of a reach as did taking K Stephen Gostkowski in the 8th. Troi will roll the dice with Marques Colston because Brees can't throw to Jimmy Graham all the time. We're going to make an outlandish prediction here: Troi does not win his 3rd championship without trading Brees or Manning, and we don't think anyone's going to make that deal. We may be biased because teams have learned over the years to be wary of trades with Renal Failure (we are the devil!), but the HBFFL has never been a trade-heavy league.
You sleep on Renal Failure, you get snapped in half.
Renal Failure (aka the People's Champion) - Grade B- - Projected Record 7-7 (6th place)
Yahoo! never understands or appreciates how we operate. That's why we're the Wild Card (bitches)! Renal Failure ended up picking last in the draft order for the 2nd straight year, but that's okay because we were 10-4 in 2013. Your People's Champ went with our tried and true method of loading up on RB's - going with Marshawn Lynch, Alfred Morris, and C.J. Spiller. Then we loaded up with a deep trio of WR's Demaryius Thomas, Jeremy Maclin, and Michael Crabtree. Yahoo! says we took Tom Brady too early in the 5th round, but we couldn't count on quality QB's to be available around picks 70 and 71. Yahoo! says we stole TE Jason Witten in the 10th round but we like getting Jay Cutler as our backup QB in the 8th round even more. We rounded out our draft with some handcuff picks (Riley Cooper, Fred Jackson) and decided to gamble in the later rounds with some adventurous picks with Sammy Watkins, Zach Ertz, and (to make up for not getting Johnny Manziel with the last pick) Blake Bortles. If these youngsters blossom like they're expected to, Renal Failure could rocket themselves into the playoffs yet again. And if they don't, well that's why we pound that waiver wire like it owes us money (that's how over the past 6 years we were into CJ2K, DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, Brandon Lloyd, Zac Stacy, and Arcade Fire before everyone else was - just kidding about Arcade Fire, we don't see what the big deal is about them).
Manley's Book Club - Grade: C+ - Projected Record 4-10 (8th place)
This newbie to the HBFFL didn't get the Yahoo! draft love, but he did get Nick Foles who had a red hot 2013 and should continue throwing bears into outer space in 2014 (throwing bears into outer space being our term for ridiculously high fantasy football point performances). We personally think he took Dez Bryant way too high, but we don't much care for Cowboys not named Jason Witten (Yahoo! thinks Bryant's going to lead all WR in points this year because of reasons too smart for us to understand). Cordarelle Patterson is slated to have a breakout year at WR, which we agree with more seeing as someone has to catch the ball in Minnesota. Doug Martin will grind out a lot of yards running for the Bucs, and if Montee Ball can stay competent he could get close to those inexplicable Knowshow Moreno numbers from last year (and just to be sure, Manley drafted Moreno too). We're not keen on him wasting a high pick on Roddy White, considering the shit season he had when he was on the Renal Roster last year. Probably could have gotten him much later.
Sometimes you just get spittin' mad at your draft.
Purple Drank - Grade C - Projected Record 2-12 (9th place)
The commish of the HBFFL never gets any love from the Yahoo! draft bots. Things started off good with grabbing Matt Forte and Julio Jones. Then things went wonky with taking WR Keenan Allen with the 3rd round pick. Reggie Bush in the 4th round was pretty money, as was getting Andrew Luck in the 5th. After that, the rest of his draft decisions don't inspire much emotion other than "Well, you're here, come along." Joique Bell is Reggie Bush's handcuff, so that's something, but the Drank is rolling with two Saints RB's on the bench (Pierre Thomas and Mark Ingram) Who do you know in fantasy football who's gone anywhere in the last few year by relying on the Saints running game? At least Tampa Bay's Defense is supposed to be good.
For when you don't make the consolation playoffs.
Mile High Club - Grade: D - Projected Record 2-12 (10th place)
Yahoo! loves and hates the HBFFL rookies. Mile High was granted the 1st pick overall and took Renal Failure mainstay Shady McCoy (Your People's Champ are McCoy hipsters, we were starting him before it was cool). WR Antonio Brown was a solid 2nd round pick. Yahoo! especially liked his 3rd round selection of Arian Foster (hey, we had McCoy and Foster last year too - Mile High knows who to emulate for success). TE Jordan Cameron is projected to be the only person on the Browns catching anything so take that as you will, and WR Vincent Jackson is slated to be the man in Tampa Bay. Rounding out the lineup are QB Tony Romo and a nice pickup in Round 8 of WR Emmanuel Sanders. But the problem is with the rest of Mile High's RB choices. Trent Richardson and Maurice Jones-Drew (a former Renal Failure favorite) aren't going to make teams lose sleep. And Dwayne Bowe? Sure, Renal Failure won a championship with him in 2010 but that was the last time he was ever useful. Better hope Anquan Boldin still has some life left in those legs, or that RB Devonta Freeman breaks out in Atlanta.
We'll see in 16 weeks who the 2014 champ is, and who are the teams that really wanted to forget the 2014 season. Maybe we'll check with the teams who were ambivalent about their season, but they're less fun.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion and original member of the HBFFL. We are the fantasy football team your league deserves, but not the one it needs right now.
