Defeated by the trades you didn't make

by Renal Failure


Rambler was popping all that good shit last week...

Last year, Renal Failure made a trade with Unfinished Rambler that sent Stephen Jackson, Chad Ochocinco, and Derrick Ward to the People's Champion while Rambler got Steve Slaton, Jerricho Cotchery, and Tim Hightower. That week Renal Failure and the Ramblers played each other and Renal Failure won by exactly the amount of points that SJax scored over fumbling machine Steve Slaton that week (25 to zero).

Last week, Renal Failure was in a trading mood and offered Peyton Hillis and Dwayne Bowe to The Ramblers in exchange for Arian Foster (who the Texans drafted to replace Slaton) and some other player whose name escapes us. Rambler was tempted but ultimately declined the offer. Some say that it's because Rambler is all about Arian Foster complementing Frank Gore as one of the best 1-2 running back punches in the HBFFL. Others say (okay, it's us) that it's because Rambler didn't want to have a replay of the last year's trade with the People's Champion.


Representation of Rambler's imagined paranoia of dealing with Renal Failure...

How did it work out? Well, Arian Foster threw a bear into orbit with a 36-point day vs. San Diego, but Peyton Hillis threw his bear a little deeper into the cold abyss of space with 38 points against the Patriots. And Chris Johnson for Renal Failure and Frank Gore for the Ramblers were out on bye weeks so neither team could attack with the other half of their vaunted RB combos.

Advantage: Renal Failure +2 points

Dwayne Bowe outscored both of Rambler's WR's by himself, getting 12 points compared to newly-acquired Patrick Crayton's 7pts (the second time a team has picked him up just to play against us) and Steve Breaston's 2pts. Not that Rambler had much of a choice in the matter regarding his receivers. Santana Moss was on a bye, Marques Colston had a meager 6pts, and the highest scoring receiver on the Rambler roster Austin Collie left the game against Philly with a concussion and no points. Rambler told me that if he had Bowe he would have started him over Breaston. With Bowe out of the line-up Renal Failure would have started Hines Ward who only scored 7 points vs. the Bengals because Brandon Lloyd was on a bye week

Advantage: Renal Failure +3 points (Bowe's 12 - Ward/Breaston 9)


Our faith in Blast Hardcheese has been duly rewarded...

Moving onto the Flex spot, it should be noted that the People's Champ pulled off a bold move late on Sunday after learning feared Raiders CB Nnamdi Asomugha would be inactive. We switched out Hines Ward from the starting line-up, put Dwayne Bowe in the WR slot, and added Brandon Jackson of the Packers in the Flex spot. Now after Ryan Grant went down for the season in Week One, Rambler picked up Brandon Jackson from the free agent pool but later released him. The People then picked up BJax and he paid immediate dividends against the Cowboys with a big 18-point Sunday night while Ramblers' only viable flex option Thomas Jones had a disappointing three points vs. the Raiders.

Advantage: Renal Failure +15 points.

So through Rambler's inaction and actions, he provided a total of 20 points to the People's Champion. And the final score? 132-112. A Renal Failure margin of victory of exactly 20 points. IT HAPPENED AGAIN!


Rambler ate something that didn't agree with him...

There were some problems in the People's glorious victory to keep their season alive. QB Tom Brady barely exceeded his projected 22 points with a 23-point game against the Browns, continuing his streak of not putting a bear into outer space, which greatly distresses us because Tom Brady invented throwing bears into outer space (Matt Stafford ended his season on the People's Bench with an inexplicable 31 points and a separated shoulder, and recently-traded away Eli Manning had 32pts for La Machine). Also, Brady's two TD passes were to Aaron Hernandez who Rambler was starting at tight end, which wasn't very helpful either. Rambler can at least be glad about his TE production, especially compared to Jason Witten's four points (Brandon Pettigrew had 7pts on the People's Bench). Also Rambler dominated the QB slot with Aaron Rodgers scoring more points in one half vs. the Cowboys than Tom Brady had all day (24-23), and finishing with 36 overall even with sitting out most of the 4th quarter, but it wasn't enough.

Still... if only Rambler got to play an absentee team like Joe did vs. The Eunuchs or LOBO did vs. Team Krapsody or Chris did vs. The Battling Butterflies he would have won handily. Hell, he would have won against any other HBFFL team this week. But alas, Rambler met a resurgent and reloaded Renal Failure squad who put up their highest scoring game of the year even with their leading running back and wide receiver out on bye weeks. And we have one person to thank for that...


Ines Sainz brings victory, glory, and tight denim to the People...

So now Renal Failure sits at 4-5 after their first go-round with every team in the league, leaving five more games to go in the HBFFL regular season, which are five more games Renal Failure needs to win to make the playoffs. Next week they play Team Krapsody. We might bother to do a preview of that game later in the week even if Static doesn't bother to update his lineup for Week 10.


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Renal Failure watched the entire Green Bay/Dallas game to see if the final gun was going to be Wade Phillips pulling a Budd Dwyer before Jerry Jones could fire him.