Well the Preds owe everything to Cody Parkey. Seven points! That's like a touchdown and some other play that probably exists in football.
Other guys probably did important stuff too.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
We .... WON?
LOBO -Predator Press
Well the Preds owe everything to Cody Parkey. Seven points! That's like a touchdown and some other play that probably exists in football.
Other guys probably did important stuff too.
Well the Preds owe everything to Cody Parkey. Seven points! That's like a touchdown and some other play that probably exists in football.
Other guys probably did important stuff too.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
The People's Week 8: Dominate, son!
by Renal Failure
We would have gotten 174 if we started Denard Robinson instead of Bishop Sankey...
Cranberry Sauce learned the hard way that when Renal Failure gets going, things get real ugly for opponents. This we see in the People's 163-103 victory in Week 8 - our highest point total and margin of victory this season. Jeremy Maclin led the way with 37pts, followed by Drew Brees' 34. We got a semi-unexpected boost from the Miami defense putting up 27 vs. the Jaguars, semi in that we expected a big day vs. the woeful Jags but not a bear in outer space day. Even Jason Witten got it going with a 13-point day, most of that courtesy of a TD pass from Brandon Weedon. Billy Cundiff remains Billy Cundiff, kicking 12 points on the day to keep us within a game of 4th place (held by Troi's Future Ex-Cons).
Note: Apparently Larry Fitzgerald heard us talk smack about his effectiveness and got mad because he put up 29 points whilst sitting on our bench. This isn't as egregious, however, as Future Ex-Cons leaving Tom Brady's 44 points on the bench, or the Patriots leaving Ben Roethlisberger's 55 points on the bench (and despite leaving all those points on our benches, all three of us won our games).
Cranberry Sauce kept pace with Matt Stafford (29pts), Jamaal Charles (23pts), Antonio Gates (17pts), Alshon Jeffrey (11pts ) and the Seattle D (10pts) but that was it for the Sauce. Jordy Nelson came up surprisingly small in the Packers game vs. the Bears (2pts), Shane Vereen was one of the few people not to get the ball much in that blowout win by the Pats (4pts), and Eric Decker... well, he plays for the Jets so, yeah (4pts).
There are a million running backs out there, but not all of them get into the end zone...
Alfred Morris hit paydirt this week with a good 14-point day but Marshawn Lynch and Bishop Sankey failed to impress yet again. Sankey's going to the bench for Denard Robinson in Week 9 vs. Bald Spots. We need a spark at the FLEX position and Robinson's been lighting it up recently. We're not going with Bobby Rainey, despite Doug Martin's injury and general suckitude. Rainey's burned us before.
Bald Spots is depending on big days from Rob Gronkowski and Carson Palmer because the rest of that lineup doesn't put the fear of the God Steve Winwood in the People (oh, you didn't know about The God Steve Winwood? Listen to CVS Bangers and recognize, son). Maybe Andre Ellington helps out but that's about it.
As of Wednesday, Yahoo!'s giving us a huge 103-78 projected victory, but that's with Bald Spots having Antone Smith of the Falcon starting on his bye week. The only other available RB on the Bald Spots roster is Donald Brown and he's only projected for 4pts, bringing the Yahoo! projected score to a still-sizable 103-82 lost for the Spots of Baldness.
Renal Failure is never seen drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants with Oriental women...
Renal Failure finds themselves in the scarcely-populated middle of the pack in the HBFFL. The top 3 teams (7-1 Patriots, 6-2 Mile High Club, and 6-2 DreamCrushers!) have all scored over 900 points and have had less than 800 points scored on them. The bottom five teams are either 3-5 (Bald Spots and Meaty Clackers) or 2-6 (Bourbon Blasters, Predator Press, and Cranberry Sauce), have all scored under 800 points, and have had over 800 points scored on them (with Cranberry Sauce the only team to have over 900 points scored on them).
But the middle pack teams of Renal Failure and Future Ex-Cons are different. RF at 4-4 has 857 points scored and 885 points against. Future Ex-Cons (who are enjoying a 4-game winning streak) sits at 5-4 with 870 points scored and 780 scored against. If things don't turn around quick for the bottom five teams (and if the top three teams don't collapse), we may only see a two-team race for that last playoff spot, much like last season which was the only time the HBFFL has seen three teams with 10 or more wins in a season. Will 8 wins be the magic number to get in this year as it was for Delusions of Adequacy last year? Your People's Champ has made it in with 8 before, and going 4-2 the rest of the way is doable. Getting to 9 wins, the only guaranteed win total for the playoffs historically speaking, means going 5-1 — a more difficult task considering three of those games are against the aforementioned top three teams in the league. Stealing one win will be tough, let alone two. Winning against all three? We'll need to get a little liquored up to make such a boastful claim.
The hunt continues...
Renal Failure is the People's Champion of Fantasy Football. We also won big in the FTWL, dominating 157 to 48. Man, did that skew our Points For/Points Against numbers. We're in 4th place in the FTWL, where we are also looking to overtake Troi's team in the standings.
We would have gotten 174 if we started Denard Robinson instead of Bishop Sankey...
Cranberry Sauce learned the hard way that when Renal Failure gets going, things get real ugly for opponents. This we see in the People's 163-103 victory in Week 8 - our highest point total and margin of victory this season. Jeremy Maclin led the way with 37pts, followed by Drew Brees' 34. We got a semi-unexpected boost from the Miami defense putting up 27 vs. the Jaguars, semi in that we expected a big day vs. the woeful Jags but not a bear in outer space day. Even Jason Witten got it going with a 13-point day, most of that courtesy of a TD pass from Brandon Weedon. Billy Cundiff remains Billy Cundiff, kicking 12 points on the day to keep us within a game of 4th place (held by Troi's Future Ex-Cons).
 |
| An 80-yard TD will certainly pep up your Fantasy point total. |
Note: Apparently Larry Fitzgerald heard us talk smack about his effectiveness and got mad because he put up 29 points whilst sitting on our bench. This isn't as egregious, however, as Future Ex-Cons leaving Tom Brady's 44 points on the bench, or the Patriots leaving Ben Roethlisberger's 55 points on the bench (and despite leaving all those points on our benches, all three of us won our games).
Cranberry Sauce kept pace with Matt Stafford (29pts), Jamaal Charles (23pts), Antonio Gates (17pts), Alshon Jeffrey (11pts ) and the Seattle D (10pts) but that was it for the Sauce. Jordy Nelson came up surprisingly small in the Packers game vs. the Bears (2pts), Shane Vereen was one of the few people not to get the ball much in that blowout win by the Pats (4pts), and Eric Decker... well, he plays for the Jets so, yeah (4pts).
There are a million running backs out there, but not all of them get into the end zone...
Alfred Morris hit paydirt this week with a good 14-point day but Marshawn Lynch and Bishop Sankey failed to impress yet again. Sankey's going to the bench for Denard Robinson in Week 9 vs. Bald Spots. We need a spark at the FLEX position and Robinson's been lighting it up recently. We're not going with Bobby Rainey, despite Doug Martin's injury and general suckitude. Rainey's burned us before.
 | |
| If you threw for 44pts earlier, you'd still a member of our team instead of on Troi's bench |
Bald Spots is depending on big days from Rob Gronkowski and Carson Palmer because the rest of that lineup doesn't put the fear of the God Steve Winwood in the People (oh, you didn't know about The God Steve Winwood? Listen to CVS Bangers and recognize, son). Maybe Andre Ellington helps out but that's about it.
As of Wednesday, Yahoo!'s giving us a huge 103-78 projected victory, but that's with Bald Spots having Antone Smith of the Falcon starting on his bye week. The only other available RB on the Bald Spots roster is Donald Brown and he's only projected for 4pts, bringing the Yahoo! projected score to a still-sizable 103-82 lost for the Spots of Baldness.
Renal Failure is never seen drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants with Oriental women...
Renal Failure finds themselves in the scarcely-populated middle of the pack in the HBFFL. The top 3 teams (7-1 Patriots, 6-2 Mile High Club, and 6-2 DreamCrushers!) have all scored over 900 points and have had less than 800 points scored on them. The bottom five teams are either 3-5 (Bald Spots and Meaty Clackers) or 2-6 (Bourbon Blasters, Predator Press, and Cranberry Sauce), have all scored under 800 points, and have had over 800 points scored on them (with Cranberry Sauce the only team to have over 900 points scored on them).
 |
| We just like this. And we like whispering it into people's ears too. They find it rather haunting. |
The hunt continues...
Saturday, October 25, 2014
The People's Week 7: Everyone does their best against us
by Renal Failure
When it rains, it keeps raining, and rains some more until there's nothing but the rain...
The People's Champ was busy this past week doing the People's Business so we're going to keep this brief, and overly terse because we lost.
Good news: We scored 94 points for the second week in a row
Bad news: Troi and his Future Ex-Cons scored 140, the highest total of the week and making this loss the biggest blowout of the week in the HBFFL.
Semi-Good News: Yahoo! says that three of our four losses have come against team's putting up the highest score that week, so if we're getting beat we're getting beat by the absolute best.
Good news: We were right about Demaryius Thomas mitigating the damage from Peyton Manning. Thomas has 36 points, Manning had 38.
Bad news: We were wrong about Marques Colston not getting many points from Drew Brees. Colston put up 16, Brees 31. Not that it would have mattered, but we like to be right.
Bad news: Marshawn Lynch and Alfred Morris duplicated their weak performance from last week.
Really bad news: Fred Jackson got injured and is out for at least a month
Really really bad news: Our handcuff for Fred Jackson, CJ Spiller, broke his collarbone and is out for the season.
Really really really bad news: LOBO snatched up Cody Parkey from waivers when we dropped him for his bye week.
Semi-good news: Despite the big numbers that the people we traded for Drew Brees Sammy Watkins, Chris Ivory, and Tom Brady put up on the Future Ex-Cons bench, we still would have lost if we had all three on our team for this week's game. By 3 points. So the trade is still a positive for us.
Bad news: Larry Fitzgerald has ceased to be a valuable WR.
How many assholes do we have left on this team? YO!
So our running back depth has gone to shit and our starting RB's are struggling, a complete reversal of the usual Renal Failure operating procedure. And while it's never a good time for your strengths to become your weakness, it's particularly inopportune when you're at the halfway mark of the season sitting at 3-4 in 5th place.
Week 8 looks favorable to the people according to the bots at Yahoo! Demaryius Thomas has already put up a solid 15 points on Thursday night to set the pace against our Week 8 foes Cranberry Sauce, and we get Jeremy Maclin back in the lineup too. Unfortunately for us 2-5 Cranberry Sauce has gotten 17 points from Antonio Gates, which does not bode well for us considering TE has been very weak for the People's Champ. Still, Yahoo! projects we come out on top 111-104.
Cranberry Sauce might not know this, but the 2nd half of the season is usually where Renal Failure cranks it up several notches. We've turned disastrous starts into playoff runs, and even a championship. So do not be alarmed if Renal Failure starts dominating in these late-in-the-season games because it's what we're famous for around these parts, especially since we've clear most of our bye weeks for our starters.
Renal Failure is the People's Champion, and also got hammered in the FTWL in Week 7 too. We're in 5th place there so it appears that no matter what decisions we make, we're a middle of the pack squad so far in 2014.
When it rains, it keeps raining, and rains some more until there's nothing but the rain...
The People's Champ was busy this past week doing the People's Business so we're going to keep this brief, and overly terse because we lost.
Good news: We scored 94 points for the second week in a row
Bad news: Troi and his Future Ex-Cons scored 140, the highest total of the week and making this loss the biggest blowout of the week in the HBFFL.
Semi-Good News: Yahoo! says that three of our four losses have come against team's putting up the highest score that week, so if we're getting beat we're getting beat by the absolute best.
Good news: We were right about Demaryius Thomas mitigating the damage from Peyton Manning. Thomas has 36 points, Manning had 38.
Bad news: We were wrong about Marques Colston not getting many points from Drew Brees. Colston put up 16, Brees 31. Not that it would have mattered, but we like to be right.
Bad news: Marshawn Lynch and Alfred Morris duplicated their weak performance from last week.
Really bad news: Fred Jackson got injured and is out for at least a month
Really really bad news: Our handcuff for Fred Jackson, CJ Spiller, broke his collarbone and is out for the season.
Really really really bad news: LOBO snatched up Cody Parkey from waivers when we dropped him for his bye week.
Semi-good news: Despite the big numbers that the people we traded for Drew Brees Sammy Watkins, Chris Ivory, and Tom Brady put up on the Future Ex-Cons bench, we still would have lost if we had all three on our team for this week's game. By 3 points. So the trade is still a positive for us.
Bad news: Larry Fitzgerald has ceased to be a valuable WR.
How many assholes do we have left on this team? YO!
So our running back depth has gone to shit and our starting RB's are struggling, a complete reversal of the usual Renal Failure operating procedure. And while it's never a good time for your strengths to become your weakness, it's particularly inopportune when you're at the halfway mark of the season sitting at 3-4 in 5th place.
Week 8 looks favorable to the people according to the bots at Yahoo! Demaryius Thomas has already put up a solid 15 points on Thursday night to set the pace against our Week 8 foes Cranberry Sauce, and we get Jeremy Maclin back in the lineup too. Unfortunately for us 2-5 Cranberry Sauce has gotten 17 points from Antonio Gates, which does not bode well for us considering TE has been very weak for the People's Champ. Still, Yahoo! projects we come out on top 111-104.
Cranberry Sauce might not know this, but the 2nd half of the season is usually where Renal Failure cranks it up several notches. We've turned disastrous starts into playoff runs, and even a championship. So do not be alarmed if Renal Failure starts dominating in these late-in-the-season games because it's what we're famous for around these parts, especially since we've clear most of our bye weeks for our starters.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Week 7: You Football Like a Girl
There are five stages of grief the millions and millions of Predator Press fans should be expecting this weekend:
1) Denial: "No, I did not just see our beloved Preds get squished through a fine mesh diamond-edged screen into a pool of lava."
2) Anger: "Fuck 'fine mesh diamond-edged screen.' How did she get lava!?!"
C) Bargaining: "She's a chick, right? Chicks make dumb decisions sometimes, like to get 'tramp stamps' and to have 'emotions.' I mean look what's happened since we let them drive and vote. Ebola!"
37) Depression: "Maybe if I wept openly, she wouldn't have doubled LOBO's score."
π) Acceptance: "See ya in Week 16.
-and with an all new kicker.
HAH!"
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