And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack...
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile...
And you may find yourself at 4-0, tied atop the standings of the Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League, in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife...
And you may ask yourself... how the yellow-and-blue-make-green hell did I get there?
Renal Failure knows how it got there: by beating a Team DuckGirl team that was missing Frank Gore and praying Tony Romo could stop sucking. At least Mike Sims-Walker had a banner day for The Looks of the old 2-0 Club. But the Wild Card struck again with Steve Slaton finally waking up from his early season struggles (and we'd be saying the same about T.J. Houshmandzadeh if we had started him this week - 103 yards against Indy).
But even more unexpected than the Wild Card going to 4-0 is What the Canuck? reaching this mark as well. The Ducky of the Club savaged the Defending Champions with the largest blowout of the week. Not even the Brains could have seen his prized Drew Brees putting up less points than the New Orleans Defense in Week Four. Even crazier, What the Canuck? has already matched his win total from last season (Renal Failure didn't get their fourth win last season until Week 9). Could we be seeing the original intended ending to Pretty In Pink here, where Andie ends up with Ducky instead of Blane? Is Canucklehead even the Ducky anymore, seeing how his unyielding devotion (the hallmark of Ducky) to his prized Buffalo Bills players has waned? NY's Steve Smith at WR... the Giants DEF... NE's Gostkowski kicking... how long until a full Billsrectomy is performed on his starting lineup?
FACT: No team last season reached the 4-0 mark so we are in uncharted territory here. No precedent to cite, no trend to follow. We're like Christopher Columbus, except with less scurvy and typhoid.
So we go into Week 5 with the two remaining undefeated teams in the HBFFL slated to play in the Biggest Game of the Season. The game that will determine who is the dominant force in the HBFFL. The Ducky vs. The Wild Card(bitches!). The Representative from the People's Republic of Canada vs. The People's Champion. The Duke of Toronto vs. The Duke of New York. The Buffalo Bills Booster vs. The Macho Fantasy Football Donkey Wrestler.
We'll breakdown this epic contest later this week... mainly because the brain trust here at Renal Failure hasn't thought of a new self-aggrandizing title to give ourselves yet for winning in Week 4.
---Renal Failure says that there is water at the bottom of the ocean.
Unlike my first couple of Tuesday Morning Quarterback posts this year where I was able to post them on Mondays, this one I wasn't able to post until today, thanks to my last player being in last night's Packers-Vikings matchup.
I know, the story of last night's game for many was this guy:
But for me, it was this guy:
Oops, I mean, of course, her (Julie Henderson) boyfriend, Aaron Rodger, my starting quarterback, also known as A-Rod Jr. (A-Rod Sr., better known as just A-Rod, of course plays for the Yanks). However, I thought she'd be a bit easier on the eyes, don't you agree than this?
Or more accurately, the story of last night's game for me was A-Rod Jr. vs. two of his teammates, wide receiver Donald Driver and running back Ryan Grant, who were on the team of my opponent, LaMachine.
Thankfully, A-Rod Jr. himself and the Minnesota defense helped limit both Driver and Grant. Jr. hooked up with tight end Jermichael Finley and wide receiver Jordy Nelson instead, and the Minnesota D held Grant to 50 yards.
A-Rod Jr., meanwhile, shined, going 26 for 37 and 384 yards, plus the two aforementioned touchdowns.
Me? Even with QB David Garrard putting up 42 points himself, going 27 for 37, 323 yards and three touchdowns, I wouldn't have played it any differently.
My opponent, meanwhile, might have wished he did as instead of playing Ray Rice and Knowshon Moreno at running back and flex, he played Chris Johnson and Grant at running back and flex. Rice and Moreno torched up 32 points while Johnson and Grant merely sparked 21 points. That at least would have tied the game between us.
Also if he had played Bernard Berrian, instead of Driver, he would have scored an additional eight points or just enough to beat me, 114-106.
On Facebook, LaMachine owner Chris Cameron told me this morning that I will "rue the day" when I meet him in Week 13. I told him "rue" was a pretty strong word for an early Tuesday morning and that I doubted it, although I said I might look back at the day wistfully.
Now if I mentioned that in my next game against Chris I'd pull a "boner," I might be ruing that...which mind you, I didn't and I won't. If anything, I predict another tight matchup with myself and the league founder, and that's no joke.
